Men--How to Nurture Your Wife Spiritually
- Part 02
- Series: Delights of a Word Filled Marriage
- Date: Oct 13, 1999
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We have come to the third and most crucial elements of a growing dad. Do you remember the three keys we are in the midst of learning? Let's turn back now to Deuteronomy and note these keys for becoming a godly dad.
Key Number One: Lead the Family Devotions
- A Godly Dad Will Emphasize Biblical Communication
Deuteronomy 6:7-9 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. 8 And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. 9 And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.
And remember the essence of all Biblical communication is simplicity. When Jesus taught the common people (the unschooled and unpolished) heard Him gladly. If you analyze the Word of God you will find that some of the greatest portions of God's Word are the simplest. The Sermon on the Mount, known and loved around the world is 60% monosyllabic words. The great love chapter I Corinthians 13 is over 50% one-syllable words.
What was the teaching style of Jesus? Outdoors, indoors, sitting, walking, standing anytime or place, He shared from life around them. Using the elements of the world they all understood He spoke of sowers and seeds, reapers and harvests, tombs and bones, plants and animals, coins and jobs, trees and birds, Heaven and Hell. Just the words and pictures of common people.
The power of Christ's teaching was in the absolute conviction He had of the truth of what He was saying. Are you emphasizing the personal talking about God in your family? Are you initiating talks about God with all the members of your family? Take the challenge. Introduce God into the daily life of your family!
Key Number Two: Raise Pure Children
- A Godly Dad Will Eliminate Worldly Contamination
Deuteronomy 6:10-15 And it shall be, when the LORD thy God shall have brought thee into the land which he sware unto thy fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give thee great and goodly cities, which thou buildedst not, 11 And houses full of all good things, which thou filledst not, and wells digged, which thou diggedst not, vineyards and olive trees, which thou plantedst not; when thou shalt have eaten and be full; 12 Then beware lest thou forget the LORD, which brought thee forth out of the
Are we guarding the minds of our families as much as we protect our lawns from weeds? Do you emphasize hand washing more than soul consecration? What steps are we taking to insure our homes are havens for spiritual growth?
Key Number Three: Disciple your wife
- A Godly Dad Will Experience Personal Consecration
Deuteronomy 6:4-6 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD: 5 And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. 6 And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:
Now we look at the hardest part of a godly dad's role. There is no way we can ever minister to our wife’s deepest needs if we are not holy! The key to a godly marriage and a powerful Christian home is the personal experience of godliness. We try so hard and then lessen our grip on the essentials and then they slip away! Remember the humorous recounting of our lessening of our loving care of our wives?
A Happy Marriage is a Wonderful Blessing
Winston Churchill once attended a formal banquet in
The Seven Ages of the Married Cold
Several years ago, the Saturday Evening Post published an article entitled "The Seven Ages of the Married Cold." It revealed the reaction of a husband to his wife's colds during their first seven years of marriage. It went something like this:
The first year: "Sugar dumpling, I'm really worried about my baby girl. You've got a bad sniffle, and there's no telling about these things with all this strep throat going around. I'm putting you in the hospital this afternoon for a general checkup and a good rest. I know the food's lousy, but I'll be bringing your meals in from Rossini's. I've already got it all arranged with the floor superintendent."
The second year: "Listen, darling, I don't like the sound of that cough. I called Doc Miller and asked him to rush over here. Now you go to bed like a good girl, please? Just for papa."
The third year: "Maybe you'd better lie down, honey; nothing like a little rest when you feel lousy. I'll bring you something to eat. Have you got any canned soup?"
The fourth year: "Now look, dear, be sensible. After you've fed the kids, washed the dishes, and finished the floor, you'd better lie down."
The fifth year: "Why don't you take a couple of aspirin?"
The sixth year: "I wish you'd just gargle or something, instead of sitting around all evening barking like a seal!"
The seventh year: "For Pete's sake, stop sneezing! Are you trying to give me pneumonia?!
The decline of marriage as seen through the common cold; A funny look at a not-so-funny reality.
One gifted author has identified 25 ways to be a husband discipling his wife:
- A husband discipling his wife includes his wife in envisioning the future.
- A husband discipling his wife accepts spiritual responsibility for his family.
- A husband discipling his wife is willing to say "I'm sorry" and "forgive me" to his family.
- A husband discipling his wife discusses household responsibilities with his wife and makes sure these are fairly distributed.
- A husband discipling his wife seeks the consultation of his wife on all major financial decisions.
- A husband discipling his wife follows through with commitments he has made to his wife.
- A husband discipling his wife anticipates the different states his marriage will pass through.
- A husband discipling his wife, likewise, anticipates the stages his children will pass through.
- A husband discipling his wife frequently tells his wife what he likes about her.
- A husband discipling his wife provides financially for his family's basic living expenses.
- A husband discipling his wife deals with distractions so that he can talk with his wife and family.
- A husband discipling his wife prays with his wife on a regular basis.
- A husband discipling his wife initiates meaningful family traditions.
- A husband discipling his wife initiates fun outings for the family on a monthly basis, or even more often.
- A husband discipling his wife takes the time to gibe his children practical instruction about life, which in turn gibes them confidence with their peers.
- A husband discipling his wife goes over the upcoming week with his wife to clarify their schedule and anticipate any pressure points.
- A husband discipling his wife keeps the family out of debt.
- A husband discipling his wife lets his children into the interior of his life.
- A husband discipling his wife makes sure he and his wife have drawn up a will and arranged a well-conceived a plan for their children in case of death.
- A husband discipling his wife lets his children into the interior of his life.
- A husband discipling his wife praises his wife often in public.
- A husband discipling his wife explains sex to each child in a way that gives him or her a wholesome perspective.
- A husband discipling his wife encourages his wife to grow as an individual.
- A husband discipling his wife takes the lead in establishing wit his wife clear and will-reasoned convictions.
- A husband discipling his wife joins a small group of men who are dedicated to improvising their skills as husbands and fathers.
- A husband discipling his wife provides time for his wife to pursue personal interests.
How Are Husbands to Disciple Their Wife?
1. First we need to consider what every wife needs to succeed:
- COMPANIONSHIP: Proverbs 31:11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
- SECURITY: Proverbs 31:12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
- SIGNIFICANCE: Proverbs 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
- EMOTIONAL RESPONSIVENESS: Proverbs 31:28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
2. Second, we as husbands need to provide for our wife what she desperately wants to know about us:
- What we look to as we define our identity,
- How very deep is our insecurity,
- How we measure our success by our performance.
Then our wife can understand that we need them to help us succeed:
1. A husband needs to feel his wife's admiration,
2. A husband needs to feel his wife's support,
3. A husband needs to feel that his wife supports him in his work,
4. A husband needs to feel his wife's support for him in public,
5. A husband needs to feel his wife's support through all the seasons of life.
Common Christian Marriage Headaches
Without a growing marriage of shared life, following Christ's Word together most marriages end up with these common Christian marriage headaches:
1. AN UNBIBLICAL HUSBAND WITH IRRESPONSIBLE HEADSHIP(This husband is nothing but a little boy in search of a mommy, and he seems to have found one in his wife. He is thoroughly self-centered, but manages to appear to others as a loving an devoted husband.);
2. AN UNBIBLICAL HUSBAND WITH AN EMOTIONALLY DETACHED HEADSHIP (This man is one of the most stable and even-tempered men in his community. He has been asked to serve on the boards of numerous organizations because of his organized mind and methodical way of making decisions. He is about as detached and emotionally unavailable as a father can get.);
3. AN UNBIBLICAL HUSBAND WITH A DICTATORIAL HEADSHIP (His idea of being "head of the household" means that nothing happens without his approval. Whenever his wife dares to question his authority or decisions, he resorts to intimidation tactics and then goes into a blind rage.);
4. AN UNBIBLICAL HUSBAND WITH A WORKAHOLIC HEADSHIP; (This man never leaves work mentally or emotionally. He lives under pressure and sprays his family with his frustrations)
5. AN UNBIBLICAL HUSBAND WITH A SPIRITUALLY APATHETIC HEADSHIP (This husband is a believer and a church attender. But beyond that he's unresponsive to spiritual thing he never exercises spiritual leadership in this home. And that void blocks an intimacy his wife years for.)
The Seven Deepest Needs of Your Wife
1. LEAD HER: A discipling husband gives the stability and direction of a spiritual leader.
2. NEED HER: A discipling husband tells his wife she is meeting vital needs in his life and work that no other woman can meet.
3. CHERISH HER: A discipling husband allows his wife to see and hear that he cherishes her and delights in her as a person.
4. PROTECT HER: A discipling husband shows that he understands his wife by protecting her in areas of limitations.
5. NOTICE HER: A discipling husband enjoys setting quality time aside for intimate conversation with his wife so she knows that he is aware of her presence even when his mind is on other matters.
6. SACRIFICE FOR HER: A discipling husband is willing to serve his wife in encouraging and regular ways.
7. WASH HER: A discipling husband can be heard reading the Word of God to his wife. He is the one who initiates God's Word into the cycle of daily life.
One final and vital aspect of marriage: intimacy. And that is the key to sex. Let’s get to work here and note a passage to discuss: Deut. 24:5 - newlywed verse “cheer up”, discover how to please her.
As Dr. William S. Appleton has pointed out, “It is essential to remember that marital dullness is not confined to middle and later years; indeed it can and does occur in the first year of marriage.”
Certainly, an emotionally flat, chronically dull marriage signals the need for positive steps toward building intimacy, injecting new life into the relationship. Recently a young husband said to me with a note of despair, “My wife and I have already lost touch with each other.” It was a graphic description of their lack of intimacy, for to experience intimacy is to touch--emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.
Here are some of the strands that make up the bond of intimacy between a husband and wife. They are given in no particular order, and you may have others of your own to add.
- Physical touching of an affectionate, nature
- Shared feelings
- Closeness and open communication and honesty
- Intellectual agreement on major issues
- Spiritual harmony
- Sensitive appreciation of the mate’s physical and emotional responses
- Similar values held
- Imparted secrets
- Genuine understanding
A Godly Husband Disciples His Wife As He Experiences Personal Consecration
Deuteronomy 6:4-6 “Hear, O
6 “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.
LIVE IT! Biblically discipling my wife starts in my heart. God doesn’t say fear Me, study Me or even Serve Me. He said - LOVE ME. That is our priority and all else flows down from it. In fact, loving God fulfills the whole law! [Romans 13:10]
· SHOW THAT YOU ARE LIVING IN HOPE Genesis 48:15-16 And he blessed Joseph, and said, God, before whom my fathers Abraham and Isaac did walk, the God which fed me all my life long unto this day, 16 The Angel which redeemed me from all evil, bless the lads; and let my name be named on them, and the name of my fathers Abraham and Isaac; and let them grow into a multitude in the midst of the earth.
· SHOW THAT YOU SEE GOD’S HAND IN ALL OF LIFE Genesis 50:19And Joseph said unto them, Fear not: for am I in the place of God?
· SHOW THAT YOU WATCH FOR CHRIST Philippians 3:20-21 For our conversation is in heaven; from whence also we look for the Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ: 21 Who shall change our vile body, that it may be fashioned like unto his glorious body, according to the working whereby he is able even to subdue all things unto himself.
· SHOW THAT YOU DENY UNGODLINESS Titus 2:11-13 For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, 12 Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; 13 Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ;
· SHOW THAT YOU LOOK FOR THE CITY Hebrews 11:13 These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.
A Disciples Path to Follow
RENOUCING SELF AS THE AUTHORITY OF MY LIFE
Mark 8:34-37 When He had called the people to [Himself,] with His disciples also, He said to them, "Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. 35 "For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel's will save it. 36 "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? 37 "Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? (NKJV)
Renouncing self as the authority and focus of my life...
GROWING DEVOTION TO CHRIST
Matthew 10:37-39 "He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38 "And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39 "He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it. (NKJV)
Building a relationship of supreme and incomparable love for Jesus Christ...
HUNGERING FOR THE WORD
John 8:31 Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, "If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. (NKJV)
Committing to regular study and devotion to God's Word...
FOLLOWING THE WAY OF THE CROSS
Matthew 16:24-27 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. 25 "For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. 26 "For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? 27 "For the Son of Man will come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and then He will reward each according to his works. (NKJV)
Unquestioning allegiance to our Lord Jesus Christ's captivating leadership...
YIELDING MY LIFE TO CHRIST
Luke 9:23-27 Then He said to [them] all, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. 24 "For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it. 25 "For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost? 26 "For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words, of him the Son of Man will be ashamed when He comes in His [own] glory, and [in His] Father's, and of the holy angels. 27 "But I tell you truly, there are some standing here who shall not taste death till they see the kingdom of God." (NKJV)
Recognizing the true owner of my time, money and talents...
LIVING IN THE LOVE OF JESUS
Reflecting the love of Christ in my attitude and actions
So what is the greatest need of any wife? A consecrated husband. A man of God. A true follower of Jesus. The most irresistible man in the world to his wife is a godly man emphasizing personal consecration!
LEAD THE FAMILY DEVOTIONS: The Key is to: Emphasize Biblical communication Deuteronomy6:7-9
RAISE PURE CHILDREN: The Key is to: Eliminate worldly contamination Deuteronomy 6:10-15
DISCIPLE YOUR WIFE:The Key is to: Experience personal consecration Deuteronomy 6:4-6